Doubling in My Own Life

As my very first semester of college comes to an end, I'd like to just take a second to reflect on what I've learned and how I've changed in just 4 short months. (Wow, it's only been 4 months?? It feels like a lifetime). Coming into college, I thought that I was one of those people that just had everything figured out and that I was going to breeze through my classes with all A's just like I did in highschool. I had a plan to major in microbiology as a pre-dental student and graduate with honors and make it into dental school no problem. I wasn't worried about living away from my family (45 minutes isn't that far!) and I definitely wasn't worried about my grades.
Here's some backstory on me.
My mom is a doctor, and she's the smartest person I've ever met in my life. She can rattle off the name of any bone, muscle, artery, disease, pathogen, you name it! I've always grown up with her as my role model and my main inspiration to do well in school. I've always admired her and wanted to be just like her. When I was in high school, I had a list of her accomplishments in my head, and my goal was to either meet them or beat them. She was a star trumpet player in her highschool marching band, so I became section leader and first chair of the clarinets. She made all A's and graduated 2nd in her class, so I kept a 4.0 and graduated 1st in my class. Everything she did, I wanted to do it better. This became really unhealthy for me, though, when I couldn't meet the same standard as her. She made a 35 on the ACT, I made a 33. She was a National Merit scholar, I am a Regent's scholar. When I fell short of her accomplishments, it destroyed me. (Disclaimer: my mom never put these expectations on me. This was all self-inflicted).
During my first semester of college, I started meeting less and less of my mother's accomplishments. When she was in college, she was dead set on going to medical school, and I know that the only class she ever made a B in was organic chemistry II. When I was in highschool, I thought that I could do the same thing. I never made a B in highschool, so how would college be any different? I was in for a very rude awakening. College is a completely different experience than highschool. I thought that I was special for being valedictorian at Yukon High School, but in my honor's chem class, everyone was valedictorian of their own high schools. I wasn't the smartest anymore, and things weren't coming as easily for me. I started to struggle and fall behind. I had to learn how to study, like ACTUALLY study, because I never needed to in highschool. I had to learn to live on my own, which was a shock because I didn't realize how much my parents had babied me. I started to doubt myself. I started to think that I wasn't good enough for medical school. I started to feel like a less-good version of my mom. This caused a total meltdown. I flipped out and changed my major to English Literature, then I started to doubt that and I switched back to microbiology with an English minor. I had a huge mental health crisis that I was not at all prepared for. I felt utterly useless and like a complete failure in my first semester of college.
After reaching out to my family and friends regarding my mental health, I'm getting back on track. I'm going to counseling to learn how to cope with things in a more healthy way. I'm getting my grades back up where they need to be. I'm essentially recovering from my own hubris (my life is truly a Greek tragedy) and I'm learning to accept that I am NOT my mom, and I will not be her no matter how hard I try. I'm learning to be my own person and set my own goals instead of always trying to reach hers. It's hard, but isn't college all about self-discovery?
Anyways, my first semester of college has been a whirlwind, but I'm excited for the person I'm shaping up to be.
Thank you to Dr. Mintler for being a wonderful professor and someone I felt comfortable confiding in.
Thank you to all of my D&D classmates for all of our shenanigans and amazing in-class discussions. Thank you guys for going through this freshman year thing with me. We got this!